Christians do not have to be controlled by anger. We can use anger to effectually change ourself and others. Anger is a choice.
James warns, “And the tongue is a fire, a world of iniquity: so is the tongue among our members, that it defileth the whole body, and setteth on fire the course of nature; and it is set on fire of hell” (3:6).
No one can make another person angry against their will. Only when anger is received, and internalized, does it manifest itself.
Every Christian can practice not being angry so that when a difficult moment arises, the temptation to engage will pass, and no harm will be done to anyone.
Anger is a feeling that literally means in Hebrew, “to breath hard.” Anger is manifested by passion, manifesting a strong feeling of annoyance, displeasure, hostility, or rage. Some synonyms for anger are provided.
Synonyms for Anger: Noun
angriness
furor
fury
indignation
irateness
ire
lividity
lividness
mad
madness
mood [archaic]
outrage
rage
spleen
wrath
wrathfulness
Synonyms for Anger: Verb
enrage
incense
inflame
Infuriate
Ire
mad
madden
outrage
rankle
rile
steam up
ticked off
To be angry is easy, to be calm is not. When calmness prevails, there is power for there are choices that can be made how to respond. There are some main causes for anger. Not all are justifiable.
| Wounded pride | The Lucifer Syndrome | Proverbs 16:18 |
| Jealousy | The Cain Syndrome | Genesis 4:8 |
| A blocked objective | The Balaam Syndrome | Numbers 22:21–39 |
| A different outcome than expected | The Jonah Syndrome | Jonah 4:9 |
| Blindly taking the side of someone | The Foolish Syndrome | Proverbs 18:13 |
| Being exposed in a sinful state | The Peter Syndrome | Matthew 26:74–75 |
| The will to power | The Paul Syndrome | Acts 15:36–41 |
| Injustice | The Moses Syndrome | Exodus 2:11–15 |
| An unforgiving spirit | The Esau Syndrome | Genesis 27:41 |
| A demonic spirit / mental illness | The Gadara Syndrome | Mark 5:1–20 |
*Syndrome (Gk. sundromon; concurrence), refers to a set of signs and symptoms which are correlated with each other
Some Suggested Anger Reduction Techniques
Consider these suggested Techniques for controlling anger.
Think first, speak later.
“Wherefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath: For the wrath of man worketh not the righteousness of God” (James 1:19–20).
Silence can be golden. Once a word is spoken, much damage can done. It is hard to take a word back, or restore the broken fellowship it creates. Determine to think first, speak later. Stop. Breath. Engage the mind. Think through the consequences of what is about to be said.
Avoid pointing a finger, or shaking a fist at someone.
Conveying how you felt when something was said or done is self-empowering, and avoids making the moment about the other person. The moment is more about how you are going to react. Keep in mind there is a difference between saying, “I can’t let something go,” and, “I won’t let something go.”
There is a perverse psychological comfort in keep a feeling of anger alive in the mind which is way the Bible commands Christians to put “away anger.”
“Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice: And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you” (Ephesians 4:31, 32).
Release anger, like a balloon, and let it fly away, or, put off anger, as you would take off a soiled garment.
Divert a response.
A delay is not a denial. Sometimes the response to an insult or injury can be diverted by walking away, engaging in prayer, or seeking counsel etc. If the choice is between “Fight” or “Flight,” choose to flee from an unholy response. The objective is to find a soft answer because “A gentle answer turns away wrath, But a harsh word stirs up anger” (Proverbs 15:1, NASB).
Do not respond when emotionally tense. Find a way to relax.
Time and distance will help the mind relax, and, they are good healers. Take advantage of both. Do not let others pressure a meeting for “understanding,” “clarification,” or “reconciliation,” unless there is present in the heart a relaxed mental attitude. Remembering and embracing the promises of God help move the heart to such a state. “Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee: because he trusteth in thee” (Isaiah 26:3).
Seek a positive outcome.
One goal is to offer an apology if you are the one who became unrighteously angry. “He that covereth his sins shall not prosper: but whoso confesseth and forsaketh them shall have mercy” (Proverbs 28:13). Do not try to justify that which is unjustifiable.
Bringing the other person to repentance, is certainly a good goal, when that individual has been abusive. Keep in mind that most people will not repent or admit to doing or saying something wrong. Their actions will be “blame shifted,” “justified,” “mitigated,” or they will offer a “shared” reasonability. Study the response of Adam and Eve when the Lord confronted them for their transgression. Each of these tactics were used within seconds (Genesis 2:4—3:24).
Seeking reconciliation is also desirable. “Brethren, if a man be overtaken in a fault, ye which are spiritual, restore such a one in the spirit of meekness; considering thyself, lest thou also be tempted” (Galatians 6:1).
Sleeping enogh, Exercising and eating properly is important to anger management.
A healthy body enhances a healthy mind which can absorb better the pressures of life.
Studies show that anger triggers the release of stress hormones like cortisol, which can increase cravings for high-calorie foods. A cycle is created.
Individuals may turn to food for comfort during periods of anger or stress. This can result in overeating or choosing unhealthy foods high in sugar and fat. Then, because of poor health, stressful comments and behavior result in more anger, and the cycle continues.
An additional value in exercising is that it is a good way to release pent up hostile energy. Exercise, a nice bath, and a good meal, can be very therapeutic. The body is more relaxed, and the mind is more clear.
Appeal to the “Inner Adult.”
In every person there is an inner “Adult,” an inner “Parent,” and an inner “Child.” Moments of explosive anger are normally associated with the “Inner Child.” Children often lash out because they do not think well, and instinctively display a will to power. Might makes right. They want what they want at any cost. A parent sees a child acting badly and moves to correct the situation, and the behavior.
In life, when there is conflict, the “Inner Parent” may emerge to lecture instead of discuss, dominate, and demand, rather than listen. This does not work well when the “Inner Child” in the other person does not “listen” to the one who is talking (yelling), or lecturing as a “Parent.”
That brings up the quest for the “Inner Adult.”
A mature person might ask, “What would an “Adult” say or do in this situation? Christians ask, “What would Jesus do?” or, “What does the Bible say to do?”
Seek to be the “Adult” when anger is on display.
Practice the art of diplomacy.
Avoid using the word, “You.” “You did this; You did that; You always say, etc.” The Bible warns about critical thoughts and speech. “Let your speech be always with grace, seasoned with salt, that ye may know how ye ought to answer every man” (Col 4:6). Those who find fault with anything and everything are not happy people. Nor do they speak kindly to others. Many times they give someone “a piece of their mind,” a piece they cannot afford to give. To avoid doing this, memorize Scripture.
“A wrathful man stirreth up strife: but he that is slow to anger appeaseth strife” (Prov. 15:18).
“A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in pictures of silver” (Prov. 25:11).
Do not let anger build up.
The Bible speaks of an anger (orge [or-gay’]) that is explosive, passionate, violent, vengeful. There is another type of anger (thumos [thoo-moss’])that simmers until it boils over in fierceness that needlessly wounds with words and indignation.
It is far better to say something when there is a concern than to let anger turn to silent rage that eventually comes out.
Be careful not to vent.
There are psychologists that encourage people to engage in Scream Therapy (Primal Therapy), or Destructive Therapy (Smashing Therapy), to vent their dark feelings in a Rage Room. Objects such as glassware, electronics, and furniture are provided for destruction.
The Bible instructs Christians not to engage in such behavior, but to bring every thought to Christ, to be controlled by Him, through His Spirit, by His Word (2 Cor. 10:5).
It is an unhealthy place to be, when a person no longer cares what is said or done. It is in this mindset that the tongue sets the world on fire.
“And the tongue is a fire, a world of iniquity: so is the tongue among our members, that it defileth the whole body, and setteth on fire the course of nature; and it is set on fire of hell. For every kind of beasts, and of birds, and of serpents, and of things in the sea, is tamed, and hath been tamed of mankind: But the tongue can no man tame; it is an unruly evil, full of deadly poison” (James 3:6–8).
Cultivate a sense of humor.
Sometimes, a tense situation can be minimized by laughter, which can be the best medicine. There are no less than 100 verses in the Bible that encourages laughter, and a joyful heart. Study Psalms 126;2; Job 8:21; Ecclesiastes 3:4; Genesis 21:6; Proverb 15:3; Philippians 4:4 etc.
It is possible to be angry without sinning. However, most anger is unjustifiable and outside the known will of the Lord who would have His people be controlled by the fruit of the Spirit. “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, temperance: against such there is no law” (Galatians 5:22–23).
The Collected Works of Stanford E. Murrell 